Sport

In a move lauded by both women's rights activists and trailer-park babies' daddies, MLB Commissioner Bud Selig announced today that Judge Judy, of daytime court TV fame, will become baseball's first-ever female umpire.

In what can only be described as user error, Juan Pierre accidentally acquired himself in his fantasy baseball league on Thursday after team "JhJrSux" (managed by Neifi Perez) released him.

It was a horrible month of May for the Cubs, and after a promising start to June, the team is now in danger of being swept at home if they can't win Thursday's game against the Houston Astros.

In a battle of lefties, the Cubs marched sometimes-promising rookie Sean Marshall to the hill Tuesday night against Andy Pettitte, a marquee veteran who's been struggling all season. Pettitte emerged the easy victor as the Houston Astros beat the Cubs 9-2. Houston's Chris Burke led the onslaught, going four-for-four with a whopping five runs scored.

The unthinkable was the norm for the Cubs this weekend. Not only did Henry Blanco have three RBIs, but the team completed a winning road trip, defeated a left-handed pitcher, had three victories in a row, won a game on WGN, and saw Juan Pierre get two hits in a game. Veteran relief pitcher Bob Howry even managed his first career hit.

In the middle of March, Cubs general manager Jim Hendry declared that quality starting pitching was simply too difficult to acquire so close to the start of the season. Five days later, the Cincinnati Reds snagged starting pitcher Bronson Arroyo from the Boston Red Sox for Willy Mo Pena.

Cubs fans across the nation turned on their televisions at 7 p.m. central time Wednesday expecting to watch lefty Sean Marshall lead their team to a series victory over the Houston Astros. Instead, they were greeted by back-to-back episodes of "Becker" and "Home Improvement."