NHL

The world learned today that Pope Francis visited with the Stanley Cup Saturday night in Philadelphia. It was the pope’s first ever visit to the United States and Lord Stanley’s Cup’s first ever papal visit

"I appreciate the question, I really do," said Kane after reading a canned statement. "But I'm only here to discuss hockey, not my excessive wrinkles, thinning hair and sunken facial features."

“It’s no secret we’ve been shopping Jay [Cutler] and have been unsuccessful in the process,” admitted Pace. “His bloated contract and lack of supporting credentials has clearly handcuffed our ability to improve. However, when news of this championship broke, it undoubtedly boosted his market value overnight!”

"We were having a great time and the fans seemed to really be into it. Next thing I know, Stan is chewing me out. Who knew he was so into Macklemore? Now I'm scared I'll be playing for Buffalo next season."

While fans amassed around Wrigley Field Monday night for another Blackhawks Stanley Cup victory celebration, the story lost in the mix was the record number of people congregated at U.S. Cellular Field.

"I'm disappointed that Crow won't be there, but he's been warned about the salty language. Hopefully the FCC will ban Duncan [Keith] too. I still have no clue what he was talking about in '13."

"I'm just asking for a friend, like, would you just fill it up for free, or would it be a few hundred bucks, you know, if you made a margarita big enough to fit inside the Stanley Cup. Not that I would fill the Stanley Cup with a frozen margarita, even though that does sound delicious and refreshing, but, like, you know, I'm just wondering. If you would do it. I mean could do it. Hypothetically."