NHL

Originally posted Feb. 13, 2007; Hoping to spur fan attendance and in-stadium beer sales, the Blackhawks have signed 7-foot goon Charlie "Nutcracker" McGillicuddy to a four-year contract.

Blackhawks center Dave Bolland powered his team to a big 7-2 win over Vancouver Tuesday night, staving off playoff elimination for at least another day. It was Bolland's first game in more than a month after he was forced to the sidelines with a concussion. He's now recommending the same thing for his struggling teammates.

The band’s anthem “Chelsea Dagger” became a mainstay on the Hawks' path to NHL dominance in 2010, but has become all but forgotten after a 2011 season that saw very few pucks hit the back of the net for the post-champion squad.

Thousands of young single men gathered at McCormick Place this weekend to express their outrage at Blackhawks forwards Jonathan Toews and Patrick Kane for seducing a majority of the city's eligible females.

The NRC took a huge blow this week as ESPN made the shocking announcement the NHL had officially passed rhino chasing to become the 143rd most popular sport in the nation. Speculation fueled the NRC rumor for months when one of the veteran rhinos from Team Boston took a hard fall against Team Los Angeles during an intense and grueling match in February.

Vancouver's high-scoring twins Henrik and Daniel Sedin powered the Canucks to the league's best record this season, but underneath it all, they're a pair of softies as evidenced by their recent appearance at a mall wearing matching sweaters their grandmother knitted them.

"I'm going to be puffin' on Hindu Kush, Maui Wowee, Panama Red and of course all the BC varieties, and it'll all be totally legal," said Hawks fan Don Jeffreys.