NHL

"I'm not even on his team and I think he deserves the Vezina," said Tukka Rask. "Did you see the goaltending he did? Neither did I! That's how good he is!"

"We don't have a game tonight?" Toews asked, rolling his eyes. "Can we just get this started already? When did we last play? Sunday? Let's go! We're all bored in the locker room. Trust me you don't want Kaner to have additional time on his hands. Let's just play St. Louis again. Sharpie even suggested we'll give them another two-game lead."

"The first order of business is to make sure we have plenty of craft beers and gourmet hot dogs," joked Bowman. "Ah, I kid you. Those have nothing to do with championships. The first thing we have to do is sign good players. I've noticed the team hasn't really done that much in the last hundred years or so."

"Listen, when the Hawks and Blues face off in the playoffs, we know how it's going to go. 75% of the time, one team will have the lead before coughing it up with minutes or seconds left to go, be it a power play on a [Brent] Seabrook penalty or an advantageous short-ranged shot from Bryan Bickell. But at the end of the day, fans are waiting around for three hours to get the same result they'd see from watching five minutes of an overtime game."

All around the city of Chicago the police and fire department have been called twice more than usual today for inexplicable accidents. Pedestrians have been running into walls, drivers have missed their turns and run into each other, and numerous people have gotten caught halfway through the door on the "L."

The Cardinals fan in question has been spotted approaching complete strangers while saying things like, "Tough loss for you guys last night, huh?" and, "You have to admit, from an outsiders perspective, that was a pretty great win for the Blues, wasn't it?"

"Kane will do the bulk of the skating, while Toews will be strapped to his back, barking out orders. This should feel familiar to both.”