George McCaskey’s home theater system used to upgrade Soldier Field video boards
“As my butler was conducting my annual spring cleaning, we noticed three Jumbotrons collecting dust in my basement,” McCaskey stated. “I decided to save one for my grandchildren’s video games and have the other two hooked up in the stadium. It sure beats those old rust buckets we had in there before.”
Bears suspend Cutler four games for deflated attitude
"We were surprised about the suspension for Brady. However, Ted [Phillips] and I quickly acted afterwards. If Tom Brady could be suspended, then sure as hell we could suspend Jay," said an emphatic McCaskey. "Thank goodness the Wells Report mentioned the deflating and defeatist attitude of Jay. Once we saw the word deflating we knew that had to be about our 'so-called' leader. The folded arms, the eye roll, the don't-care attitude."
Bradley Cooper to replace suspended Brady
"The call came and I was surprised, but when you're an actor you have to be ready for any role," stated Cooper. "It's unfortunate about Tom's suspension, but this is the role of a lifetime. I get to step in for the Super Bowl MVP. It's a bonus this happened now as I get to have a full off-season and training camp with the first team. I'll have my lines down for Pittsburgh."
Gronk found guilty of adding too much foam to pony keg on party bus
The man many thought to be above the law was deemed in clear violation of the one rule you just can’t break on a party bus, and that’s lowering the PSI in the kegerator, thus upping the foam count to unacceptable levels, right before the big Friday night kegger with Beta House at the University of Delaware.
Cowboys move mini-camp to Dallas area halfway house
“I remember back in the 1990s when our entire team lived at Turtle Creek,” said Cowboys owner Jerry Jones. “Those were some great times, and I’m excited to be able to reconnect with many of our old friends there.”
Bears and Packers fans form uneasy draft day alliance in response to obnoxious New...
The trouble started when a Jets fan named Vinnie wearing his customized "Sanchize is the Franchise" jersey asked: “You’z guys know where I can get a New York slice in this freakin’ city?”
Tom Brady angrily admits Belichick has history of checking out supermodels
"It's a pattern. Trust me," said a peeved Brady. "Do you know how many times he's checked out Giselle [Bundchen]? He's always asking me if she's coming to practice, the games. It's beyond uncomfortable. Frankly I'm sick of it. So no, him checking out Chrissy is not surprising. He probably used his famous line about wanting to see one of my Super Bowl rings that's in my hotel room."
