NFL

"The K.C. offense was clicking on all cylinders that first half," said Pace. "I sent Matt an offer at halftime and he immediately agreed."

"Matt threw for 374 TDs in only six seasons of Arena League football," said GM Ryan Pace, who's secretly a huge Arena League fan. "He had 85 TDs in one season. With output like that, he'd be one of the best QBs in NFL history."

Bills fans aren't the only ones disappointed their team got bounced in a close playoff loss to the Jaguars Sunday. The folding table industry is also bracing for a sales slowdown now that Buffalo fans won't be destroying their product during their notoriously rowdy tailgate parties.

As his Trump Administration tell-all "Fire and Fury" is hitting bookstores, author Michael Wolff announced the New England Patriots would be the subject of his next project.

"There are a lot of great candidates out there," said GM Ryan Pace, who just had his contract extended three seasons. "This is where we have to ask ourselves: 'Which of these guys is the perfect coach to fire after three mediocre seasons?'"

What they discovered was that due to what insiders are calling an "undiscovered clerical error," Fox's contract was never properly executed and therefore he hadn't actually been hired to coach the team in 2015. Fox's employment was immediately nullified.

The hoards of Bears fans eagerly awaiting the eventual debut of first-round draft pick Mitch Trubisky will be in for a huge disappointment. Reports from those close to the organization indicate the young QB is becoming "much, much worse at football" just by being in the presence of struggling starter Mike Glennon.