NCAA

The writing was on the wall that the 2011 college football season would be full of catastrophes the minute the Terrapins walked out onto the field to play Miami back in September in uniforms that could be best described as shockingly hideous.

In his annual state of the NCAA address to unviersity presidents and administrators, NCAA president Mark Emmert lauded his organization's effort to enact tough legislation to dramatically improve the collegiate sports landscape. "I am very...

"And you know what?" he yelled to his rapt audience. "We're plenty good enough to be in the Big Ten. We've got a lot of smart folks at this school. To the rest of the world, that 'N' on our helmets may stand for Nebraska. To us, it stands for 'nowledge.'"

“My staff and I were sitting around wondering when the 2030 class of freshmen would be available for recruiting," said the coach. "Then it hit us. Why have an age restriction? And even more, why can’t we recruit a player as early as possible?”

"After decades of trying to skirt the unnecessary legal confines presented by the United States and its tyrannical government, today we say 'No more!'" said Big Ten commissioner James Delany with an effigy of Uncle Sam burning behind him while he addressed a massive, energetic crowd made up of mostly conference and school administrators, staff and mascots on the lawn of the Big Ten's headquarters.

A Midwestern high school senior quarterback whose only Big Ten scholarship offer came from Indiana recently chose enlisting in the Army and fighting in Afghanistan over joining the Hoosiers.

"I've never really understood them," Hancock admitted. "And it's not just me, either. We sit around the BCS meetings for hours looking at brackets and they make no sense. How come something called a high seed gets put in the one spot? One is the lowest number--I've known that since second grade."