NBA

NBA fan Mark Wellner was watching ESPN's coverage of the lockout last night when he realized he didn't actually miss the basketball as much as the amazing hoopla that surrounds games, such as shirt cannons and acrobatic mascots leaping off trampolines.

Celebratory and/or defamatory tweets are down 80% compared to this time last year, a stat attributed entirely to the fact that the NBA season is not yet underway due to the lockout.

“I wasn’t trying to be crass,” said Thibodeau. “I agree the stick figures were a bit rudimentary, but I was on the clock and had to draw up the play as fast as I could. I thought Kate would appreciate my thoughtfulness and truthfulness."

The decertification process has put the entire 2011-2012 NBA season in jeopardy, which Hunter and Player's Association President Derek Fisher insist would just have gotten in the way of constructing their "totally awesome" fort.

"Yes, the allegations are true," Dolan said at his Long Island home. "I made up the entire NBA lockout. In reality, there is no CBA or Player's Association or even a commissioner, as David Stern is a figment of my imagination."

With the NBA lockout dragging on, players are taking it upon themselves to stay busy by playing ball in Europe, hosting charity pickup games, and marrying and divorcing reality stars. But what about the coaches? Bulls head coach Tom Thibodeau recently found his own way to stay busy during this extended off-season by becoming an evangelical minister.

Negotiations between the NBA Players Association and league owners have derailed over the controversial suggestion by owners that officials actually enforce a greater-than-two-step traveling rule.