NBA

With Rip Hamilton back in the waiting room of his doctor's office, the Bulls rallied quickly in order to stay on top of the Eastern Conference. This morning team President and Chief Operating Officer Michael Resindorf flew on a private jet to Voorhees Township, N.J., and is currently meeting with Pervis Ellison about a possible return to the NBA.

One week after requesting their most loyal and beloved fan, “Clipper Darrell," remove the “Clipper” from his name, the Los Angeles Clippers legal team is officially back on the war path and declaring mutiny on anyone and anything that dares use their name without permission.

A magistrate at the 36th District Court in Detroit ordered the local newspapers, TV Guide magazine and cable providers to update their channel guides after a petition signed by fans was brought to small claims. The petition argued that it was fraudulent to use the term "NBA Basketball" to describe the the kind of programming viewers saw when the Pistons lost by 17 to Memphis Saturday night.

"We paid nearly $1 billion for the lowly Cubs and their dumpy stadium," said Ricketts. "So what's $29 million for a huge mansion that clearly needs a little work."

Knicks' GM Glen Grunwald announced the team will rent out point guard Jeremy Lin to other pro sports teams who are looking for more media coverage and storylines to drum up fan interest.

“I'm just tired of playing basketball here all by myself and need to move out of this place,” said Jordan. “So I would like to give the opportunity for someone to play me in a game of HORSE, and if they beat me, I will give my home away free of charge.”

Fans are angered by this miscue, but Bulls players are excited to see what Pete can bring to the court and their pocket books.