Athletes from all 4 sports plan league for concussed players
The planned league has the tentative name "Professional All Ball," and will contain elements of the four major sports; baseball, football, basketball, and hockey. Game play will require considerably less contact, and more “good old fashioned fun.”
Chicagoans have no collective memory of Game 2 against Sixers having happened
As the Bulls' once-promising season continues to unravel, psychology professors from Northwestern University released shocking early results from an overnight study that revealed not one Chicagoan apparently remembers Tuesday night's 109-92 thrashing at the hands of the very mediocre 76ers in Game 2 of the first-round of the playoffs.
Knicks players follow Stoudemire’s lead and punch things to avoid finishing Heat series
Knicks’ GM Glen Grunwald forwarded forfeit papers to the NBA league office today after it was discovered that every Knicks player intentionally suffered a season-ending injury on Tuesday. The Miami Heat will advance to the quarter finals after winning only two of seven games.
Bears’ offensive line perform as ‘Chicago Matadors’ during halftime of Bulls-76ers game
The Chicago Matadors is a popular “super-sized” dance team that regularly performs to adoring and raucous fans during Bulls games. Hoping to take their routine to the next level for the playoffs, the team sought to add real-life matadors from Spain to the mix. When flights and arrangements became costly, the Bulls PR found a cheaper group of actual matadors in Lake Forest: the Chicago Bears offensive line.
Jordan assures Bobcats fans: ‘We have plans to sign several Monstars in offseason’
Following a season that produced just seven wins, the Bobcats are focusing on acquiring talent this off-season. However, being completely devoid of the ability to assess actual NBA talent, owner and "Space Jam" star Michael Jordan has decided to call on some of his old friends to revamp the franchise Monstars, which were featured in the film.
NBA to broadcast remaining Bulls playoff games on cable access and those little TVs...
With fan interest waning after Derrick Rose's ACL injury, the NBA has announced it's pulling Bulls playoff games from a national TV rotation, and will instead air them on Chicago cable access and some of the closed circuit televisions found at many gas pumps around the region.
Metta World Peace brandishes gun, changes name to ‘Metta World Piece’
“I’ve played the feel-good card and it's super lame,” World Piece said. “No one respects a tree-hugging hippie, but when I flash my piece at James Harden on the court, you better believe people will recognize.”
