Alfonso Soriano asks to be traded to the 2007 Chicago Cubs
"In addition to me making a huge amount of money over a very long contract again, I like that the crazy older manager let me start the season in center field and batted me lead-off," Soriano explained. "That was fun getting extra at-bats."
2014 MLB All-Star Game to feature ‘Groundout-To-First-Derby’
League officials were said to be initially skeptical of the new competition, but they were convinced after watching hours of taped "highlights" of recent Cubs, Astros and Mariners games.
Senile old man wanders onto Citi Field, disrupts All-Stars by mumbling ‘Sweet Caroline’
Egged on by the raucous New York crowd, the man flailed his arms and turned around in circles for several minutes on the infield, while those in the stands screamed out unintelligible chants which sounded like "Bah-bah-bah" and "So-good, so-good, so-good."
Several people decide to TiVo the MLB All-Star Game
"Yep, I definitely plan to record the game," said Angels fan Bobby Denton. "Anything could happen. We could even witness history! I totally plan to set the TiVo, unless I forget. Or, you know, if it's already full of Dexter or whatever."
Cubs Week In Review: Garza dominates on way out door
Alfonso Soriano continued his hot hitting with a home run while Justin Bieber was not seen anywhere near the Cub clubhouse cheesing it up with the Cup. Chicago rejoiced.
Cubs, Sox plan to stay home after All-Star break
“Actually, I wouldn’t mind if the boys didn’t report back to work after the break,” said Ricketts. “This way, we can begin installing the new accoutrements to the ball park immediately.”
City of Chicago, Cubs agree to proposed Megatron in left field
“First, do you think Carlos Beltran is going to continue launching bombs toward Waveland if he knows he’ll be executed by a heartless power-seeking being?" asked Ricketts. "I think not. Second, we fully anticipate Megatron to increase revenue. I mean, do you know how much the Allspark is worth?”
