MLB

Cubs President Theo Epstein said fans shouldn't worry, assuring them that everything is coming along to his plan.

The Iowa Cubs have announced their first Manny Ramirez promotion, hiring the Cubs have decided to give all players on their Triple-A farm team a bobblehead PED dispenser with Manny’s likeness

Acknowledging Ramirez' checkered past, Epstein said, "He has made real mistakes. While he has improved his behavior, we think bringing in Curt to shadow Manny is a pretty good idea."

Ricketts didn't refer to the destruction behind him, but the message was clear: no more Mr. Nice Guy.

An endless stash of cold Old Style inside a refrigerator hidden behind a secret moving wall in the Cubs' marketing offices was partially to blame for the errors made on the mural commemorating the club's 100th anniversary, team officials said.

Cubs GM Jed Hoyer was so impressed by the work Babe Ruth's 97-year-old daughter Julia Ruth Stevens did throwing out the first pitch at Wrigley Field on Friday, he immediately talked Theo Epstein in to signing her to be the new closer. Ruth Stevens was in town to help commemorate her father's famous "called shot" home run that helped crush the Cubs 1932 World Series dreams. The encounter could be just the thing the Cubs needed to solidify their incredibly sketchy closer's role.

Still hoping to sign their star pitcher to a long-term contract, the Cubs are claiming a lack of the cash needed to do so. Rather than open up their own wallet, the team is turning to crowd-funding website Kickstarter to raise the money needed to re-sign Samardzjia.