MLB

“We probably signed 150 players last year. I don’t even own a computer, and I sure as hell don’t have cable, so how am I supposed to know who’s in our organization.”

"As an organization owned by billionaires, the Chicago Cubs can't sit by idly while our season ticket holders -- many of whom are hard-working, middle-class Chicagoans -- lose thousands of dollars a year," said Cubs President of Business Operations Crane Kenney.

"Hey Eddie, I challenge you to Cubs Trivia followed by a battle of our bands," Corgan said. "Oh and Jack, you sure know how to complain without suffering. Why don't you go home and catch up with the United?"

With the trade deadline coming close, the Cubs could become buyers this season. However, a blockbuster deal they're working on may not be legal.

In a 6-1 decision, the Illinois Supreme Court has ruled that raising children to be fans of the Chicago Cubs baseball franchise is "cruel and amoral." The case before the court involved 24-year-old plaintiff Jimmy Benson, who was suing his parents Laura and Gerald for punitive damages stemming from years of being forced to watch and root for the Cubs.

Of the many promotions this season, perhaps none was more successful than "Throw Up, Throw Back Day" during a game with the Atlanta Braves when fans were invited to puke at-will in bathroom troughs, a normal practice during the 1969 season.

Overnight Nielsen television ratings showed that 20,657 Chicago White Sox fans, the exact average number of people attending the team’s games this year, watched the mid-season classic.