MLB

The newly verbose voice is now equipped with many phrases, such as "Can you tie a hundred-dollar bill to a rock and throw it up to me?" and "Do you want to impress that girl with your throwing arm, or what?"

"The entire city of Chicago has been captivated and awe-struck by the level of dedication, sportsmanship and talent that Jackie Robinson West displayed throughout this year's Little League World Series tournament," said Cubs President Theo Epstein. "We can only hope they can bring that spark and winning history as the newest, and youngest, members of the Chicago Cubs."

"We waved and smiled," said Cubs first baseman Anthony Rizzo. "But they all looked so sad, as if they were going in the wrong direction or something."

Wet Willies, atomic wedgies and super hot Indian burns can all be given by the man who has been unceremoniously removed from every team he has played for dating back to college.

"We knew this day would come. I was telling Tony [Perma-Seal technician], you watch the phone's gonna ring," said Perma-Seal rep Tom Surma. "It's like we tell all our clients, you can't deal with amateurs. Theo called on Thursday and we discussed a bundled price. We can work package deals."

Burgundy stormed off the set in the middle of the sports report because the veteran anchorman was livid over the fact that a girl was pitching in the Little League World Series. The audio was captured for all of San Diego to hear.

After Thursday's loss to the Brewers, several Cubs players and team president Theo Epstein took the popular "Ice Bucket Challenge," dumping cold water over their heads to raise money and awareness for the ALS Foundation. Unfortunately, a few of the players are now suffering from hypothermia and may miss the rest of the season.