MLB

“I called up Joe, looking for maybe a bit of advice,” said Quenneville on Tuesday. “Wouldn’t you know it, he said he was hosting a family of magicians for dinner and we had a little conference call. It was enlightening.”

"Obviously we can't discus the status of a player who is currently under contract with another team." Theo Epstein said regarding Chris Sale's free agency in two seasons. "But there are obvious reasons why we would sign a 14-year-old and it wasn't to sign his .207 hitting father."

“We’ve never really cared about our attendance numbers,” Williams said to the press. “So we figured what harm would it do to just ban children from every game? It’s my job as president to ensure that [The White Sox organization] is not only as unlikable as possible, but to rid the sport of something that I’ve always felt was way overrated: parent/child bonding time.”

"Those are Trump hats? I had no idea," said Ricketts. "Totally random. How can you argue with they say? We all want to make America great again, right?"

"When the Browns hired me, a baseball executive from the moneyball movement who was the general manager of the Los Angeles Dodgers during their second worst season since 1958, to oversea the overhaul of the Cleveland Browns as their Chief Strategy Officer, answerable only to the team president, I knew that they were willing to get their team on track."

With his latest magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) test scheduled for Monday morning – his 347th such exam over the past five years – Rose has decided to take up permanent residence in the MRI machine at Northwestern Memorial Hospital. Working closely with his doctors, they have determined that Rose will remain in there for the next three to five years.

"What's the use?" Matheny asked stunned St.Louis reporters. "The Cubs booted us from the postseason, they sign our Game One starter for less money than we offered, they take our best player for less money than we offered and I'm left with the wretched refuse -- and those are just the fans."