Mets fans hold parade to celebrate Jason Bay’s departure
Detailed crowd analysis revealed that the parade, called the Bay Day March on Fiscal Freedom, got a better turnout than the San Francisco Giants did for their recent World Series rally.
A-Rod now just skywriting his number to all single women in New York
A-Rod paid an undisclosed sum to "Ralph Salvatore's Skywriters" for them to spell out, through the exhaust of their planes, his phone number along with the message, "A-Rods Digits, 4 Real, Hit Me Up Ladys!"
Chicago voters affirm ban on sleeves at U.S. Cellular Field
"This will make games at the Cell even more jam-packed with sinister-looking fans with tattoos of 80's metal band names on their guns," said Benowski, displaying the Anthrax tat on his arm. "Awesome, right? Sleeves are for [expletive deleted] Cubs fans!"
Soriano stunned to learn there are two years remaining on his contract
"With free agency starting, I called my agent to see how the market for me was shaping up," a shocked Soriano told reporters. "I couldn't believe it when he told me I still had two years left. I mean, are you kidding me? Why in the world would they have given me an eight year contract?"
Red Sox GM to be tested for ‘reality-altering narcotics’ after Ortiz signing
Ortiz was being discussed as a trade option earlier this year when he went down with an Achilles strain, but this abrupt change of thinking has led to many to demand Red Sox GM Ben Cherington be tested for drugs.
Jake Peavy’s right index finger detaches during contract signing
"It's just something I'll have to work through. To tell you the truth, it's not the only thing that's detached over the last few years," he said, referring to an ear and several toes that were found on the locker room floor.
In wake of Barney’s Gold Glove, Castro receives Platinum Blindfold
"I really thought [Alfonso] Soriano was going to get the award this year," said panelist and Old Style consumer, Barry Schmicklen. "But he sure caught us off guard. When Sori started giving a crap, we had to look to a younger generation to continue the tradition."
