Sammy Sosa had acceptance speech ready and translated, just in case
Sammy Sosa, Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens do not have the votes necessary to get into the Baseball Hall of Fame. This comes as no surprise to most people, but Sosa is shocked.
Cubs now hiring executives directly out of junior high
A day after naming 25-year-old Scott Harris their director of baseball operations, the Cubs have unveiled a plan to get even younger in the front office, enlisting the services of graduates from the nation's top junior high schools.
Prince Fielder insists ‘TurDunkin’ is vegetarian because it’s covered in sprinkles
"Any meat covered in sprinkles doesn't count," he said. "Everybody knows that. Seriously, I have some sprinkle-coated bacon in my fridge right now."
Ozzie Guillen working as server at Brazzaz
"He said he was between gigs and was looking for a little action," said Brazzaz proprietor Joao Valentes. "Unfortunately, we didn't have any opportunities for him to do broadcast or print ad representation for us. But Ozzie's an old amigo, so I did what I could."
Panic-stricken Lance Berkman buys 26 crates of Twinkies
"Of course I'm sad, but the time to grieve will be later," said Berkman. "Right now, it's all about the hoarding."
Mets-sent ‘Dickey Extension’ email turns out to be erectile dysfunction spam
“We were had,” stated Ted Bender, a higher up in the Mets’ PR department. “I told them not to use this two-bit company, but they insisted. You’d be shocked what the bosses would do to save a few bucks.”
Sandy Alderson earns billion-dollar contract extension after getting rid of Jason Bay
"Today is a great day in New York history," said Fred Wilpon. "Mets fans should be on their knees in worship of Sandy Alderson for his wondrous job in getting rid of Bay. Sandy deserves nothing less than a billion-dollar extension for his work. Bravo Mr. Alderson, bravo."
