Sports Media

"He needs to realize he can't say these types of comments about the NFL Commissioner. The NFL makes lots of money for ESPN. I mean, like, crazy money for us. Roger Goodell is a great man and a great leader. Plus he knows that ESPN and the NFL are in bed together."

"I'm excited about these commercials," said Goodell. "Hey, I'm gonna need a new job soon. Listen to this. 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on your car insurance. This is gonna be huge for me. Who needs the NFL?"

"Mr. Smith made an unforgivable mistake: he smoked weed," said ESPN program director Chip Benson. "His argument that women are to blame for physical abuse by their boyfriends and husbands is classic Stephen. Good stuff, really. But getting high in the parking lot after his show? That's simply unacceptable."

A day after Boston sports radio co-host Kirk Minihane issued a half-hearted apology for comments he made about Erin Andrews, saying if the female sportscaster gained 15 pounds she would be a waitress at...

"It was actually Johnny Manziel's idea. I saw him in the hotel lobby around 3AM with about 4 or 5 women in bikinis," said John Skipper, president of ESPN. "I told him that Drake couldn't host next year and after initial disappointment he suggested ... actually I'm not sure what her real name is."

Pleased to rid themselves of financial albatross Chicago Cubs at the end of this year, WGN-AM is poised to replace team broadcasts with even more boring programming after the station was outbid last week by CBS-owned WBBM for Cubs broadcast rights.

The Cubs announced Tuesday that they'd be leaving their long-time radio home 720 WGN-AM for a competitor, CBS-owned 780 WBBM-AM. Naturally, many fans of the team were outraged at a change they see as a break in tradition and major inconvenience.