Sports Media

At the announcement, ESPN addressed the situation: “We’re aware of the concern, but Jon Gruden carries a considerable fan club of strange women over 40 and that demographic can’t be ignored.”

“Let’s face it,” said Bernstein. “I am so much smarter than everyone that calls in and is employed by the station. I went to Duke for God's sake. How many times can you listen to knuckle scraping fans cry about Greg Walker or chortle 'Da Bears' before your brain shrinks to the size of a fig?”

"I'm excited to welcome Shannon and Cris to our team and we expect them to become instant playmakers due to the fact that we had no decent receivers or tight ends other than Hakeem Nicks," said coach Tom Coughlin. "Since losing Steve and Kevin, our receiving corps looked pathetic"

During today's game between the Cubs and Braves at the Friendly Confines, the broadcast team captured something even more interesting than seagulls defecating on fans in the bleachers. Going into the seventh inning, cameras caught a fan actually following the action on the field.

“Bobby is very insightful and he can see things from the press box that I can’t see in the dugout, like my players loafing after fly balls, dogging it to first, or eating sunflower seeds while in the field,” said Quade. “Considering that only one or two of my managing decisions this year have actually worked, I’m happy to defer all decision-making to him for the remainder of the season.”

Tribune Cubs beat reporter Paul Sullivan reported that Wells claims his account was hacked and thus the deletion of it. Wells asked that people ignore the final tweet from the account which read “All you hatred slash bloggers go to bed. Jim Hendry is a great man! That's all he should be judged on!"

The newly unveiled statue of Santo will relieve Moreland of his broadcasting duties effective immediately.