Sports Business

"I love the move and think it will save our owners, the Wilpons, a significant amount of money, which they need for the settlement from the Madoff fiasco," manager Terry Collins said Saturday. "Of course we won't be very good record-wise but that's not my problem. I'm just here to put on a happy face."

“There isn’t a hotter ticket in town,” said Leena Greenberg, head of Mets ticket sales. “We figure for every four Mets games you buy, you get four tickets to a Knicks or Rangers game because they’re pretty good this year, right? I don’t follow sports.”

"Our offices are a real mess," said GM Kenny Williams. "Mark gave us a chance to compete with Miami's offer but I couldn't find the paperwork in time. Turns out I filed it in the John Danks folder so he wound up getting Mark's deal. What a disaster."

Since this year’s talented team nearly leads the league in goals scored, but is also in the running for most goals allowed, they have slightly altered the campaign to the lively, if less catchy, “Lots of Fun Goals for Everyone!”

The CDC has given a name to the disease: Stoudmelo's Syndrome. The new moniker, of course, is an homage to the two biggest culprits of bad defense on the Knicks: Amare Stoudamire and Carmelo Anthony.

The Cardinals reportedly lost their superstar Albert Pujols to the Angels because the pious first baseman believed the religiously named team was actually owned by God. There's no word on whether Pujols is now aware the team is actually owned by billboard magnate Arte Moreno, but should he find out and have him sour on the decision, it's too late now as the deal has already been signed.

Inspired by the Green Bay Packers' sale of $80 million of worthless stock to its eager fan base, The Heckler is following suit! For just $25 you can own* a piece of The Heckler. Unlike Packers stock, ours comes with a handy self-adhesive backing that makes putting it up on your office wall a breeze! Don't bother picking up a $5 frame at Fleet Farm that's needed to hang your Packers stock!