Sports Business

“I just don’t get him,” said booth partner Steve Stone, who has tried to play against Harrelson. “Once he tried to put in ‘canocorn,’ and I told him that wasn’t a word. But when I explained that he could just change the word to ‘corn’ and get some points, he got really argumentative and wouldn’t do it.”

The Coors Brewing Company recently inked the Yankees slugger to a five-commercial deal in which he will don the famous “bitter beer face.”

Over their nine-year run in Chicago, the Matadors made a large mark on the city’s sports landscape. But sadly last week it was announced that the powers that be in the Bulls organization agree with Chet Coppock’s 2009 book: Fat Guys Shouldn't Be Dancin' at Halftime.

A janitor at the Cubs offices reports following a cloaked and seemingly hoofed figure out of the building, where it reportedly “looked a squirrel dead” and disappeared into an alley.

“The Globetrotters like to be assured that opposing teams won’t try to score too much, as it detracts from their antics,” said team CEO Kurt ‘Vitamin K’ Schneider. “And the Cubs seem to play every game with no intention of scoring.”

“We all have to bear this time of transition together,” said Ricketts. “Also, to be clear, he’s only getting the names of Cubs fans we haven’t already sold to advertisers. Ten-thousand of you are named ‘Reebok’ now, by the way.”

“I’m learning all kinds of great stuff in these classes that's going to help me turn this team into a contender,” Ventura said. “Important things, like how to set goals. After all, as [management guru] Peter Drucker says, ‘If you don't know where you're going, you might wind up somewhere else.' Or wait ... was that Yogi Berra?"