Everything else

"I'm excited to welcome Shannon and Cris to our team and we expect them to become instant playmakers due to the fact that we had no decent receivers or tight ends other than Hakeem Nicks," said coach Tom Coughlin. "Since losing Steve and Kevin, our receiving corps looked pathetic"

"A lot of people assumed we'd do something that made sense like split the teams up by geography or name them after our most famous alums, but why take the logical route?" said commissioner Jim Delany. "And there's no way we're changing it, no matter how stupid even our most die-hard supporters believe it to be."

During today's game between the Cubs and Braves at the Friendly Confines, the broadcast team captured something even more interesting than seagulls defecating on fans in the bleachers. Going into the seventh inning, cameras caught a fan actually following the action on the field.

Soriano could be seen being approached by one or even a small group of women. And who was in the stroller to attract these ladies? “Tony Campana, man,” said Soriano. “Dude is a complete magnet for chicks.”

“Bobby is very insightful and he can see things from the press box that I can’t see in the dugout, like my players loafing after fly balls, dogging it to first, or eating sunflower seeds while in the field,” said Quade. “Considering that only one or two of my managing decisions this year have actually worked, I’m happy to defer all decision-making to him for the remainder of the season.”

Tribune Cubs beat reporter Paul Sullivan reported that Wells claims his account was hacked and thus the deletion of it. Wells asked that people ignore the final tweet from the account which read “All you hatred slash bloggers go to bed. Jim Hendry is a great man! That's all he should be judged on!"

We laughed. We cried. And now that the Jim Hendry era has come to an end in Chicago, here's a quick look at some of the hits and mostly misses from recent years.