Everything else

Territorial ire came to a head on Tuesday when Tribune basketball writer K.C. Johnson accidentally dropped his gloves in the chilly press box at the United Center and Chris Kuc seized the opportunity to pull Johnson’s sweater over his head and begin throwing right hooks.

Always in search of new revenue streams in this difficult economy, the Cubs are once again opening Wrigley Field for a non-baseball event, this time hosting a haunted house at the “Frightly Confines” the last weekend in October.

"I am deeply saddened that my wife Dianne would betray me like this," said Stern in a somber mood at the NBA league offices in New York. "Since we have been married, I have never done anything to prevent you from getting the bathroom time you need, and you do this to me?"

Following an epiphany, Tampa Bay wide receiver Mike Williams completely removed himself from his own fantasy roster today. Realizing that only 2 percent of all Yahoo! Fantasy League owners were still starting the maligned wide receiver, Williams placed himself on waiver wires.

“Wow!” an exuberated chief executive, Bill Polian exclaimed. “That was your classic trap game against Cincy. I mean, they should beat us, but have such a littered history of massive meltdowns and chokes that I was sincerely worried they might let this one go. I almost considered taking Cedric Benson out on the town last night just to lock this sucker down.”

Campbell, who was unemployed for several months before landing his current job in February and missed a couple of credit card payments since the beginning of the year, claims Peña — who has been in the Majors for 11 seasons — is only going to go up in value.

The Cubs sent renewal invoices to their season ticket holder base this weekend and took the unique route of asking several thousand of their customers to just go ahead and make their checks out to "Alfonso Soriano in care of the Chicago Cubs."