Following release, NFL replacement refs move to customer service industry to keep pissing people...
“I figure I made hundreds of thousands of people violently angry for a three week period,” said ex-replacement official Ned Randall. “So, I asked myself, ‘Where can I garner that kind of emotionally provocative response from people?’"
Goodell found hiding in spider hole with Gary Bettman
With the help of the FBI, Goodell’s cellphone was tracked to a remote field in Wyoming. Authorities searched the area for several hours before finding a welcome mat in the middle of the field.
Wisconsin farmer invents fleet of ‘robot’ referees
Upon investigation, however, the “robots” were found to be mostly goats and other wildlife sewn into scarecrows, with tape recorders that occasionally blurted “NO CATCH.”
Pierzynski and Cutler seen hanging out to improve images
To start the evening, Cutski, as the media has dubbed them, walked through Grant Park kicking puppies and throwing rocks at the elderly. People were appalled until they realized who they were dealing with.
NFL schedule revised to utilize entire week
To alleviate much of the physical burden levied on the shoulders of players under the intense scheduling, teams will play one quarter 7 times a week.
JWebb named NFL’s Defensive Player of the Week
"Well I guess it's nice to win an award for J-Webb nation," said Webb, referring to his fan base of roughly 15 people. "Maybe next week I won't get repeatedly abused by anyone on the Rams like I was by the Packers and my own quarterback on Thursday."
Arkansas falls to second in Division II rankings
After a devastating loss to the University of Louisiana-Monroe Saturday, the Arkansas Razorbacks took an unprecedented tumble in the national rankings. The light of a new day showed that the team, ranked eighth just days earlier, had fallen completely out of the Bowl Championship Series. They had landed in the sports twilight zone once known as "Division II.”
