Everything else

The high school’s principal said the move was made after Simeon, along with Duke, Kansas, Indiana and Florida, finished with a Top 5 recruiting class.

"Yes, I make a lot of money but it's still tough to make ends meet in this terrible economy," said Groce. "Up until just a few weeks ago we were sending Conner and Camden to school in burlap sacks and homemade cardboard shoes."

"It looked like a piece of cake," said Groce, whose team faces top five Michigan on Sunday with a 2-4 record in the Big Ten. "I felt like I was back in the MAC, fooling people by shooting a bunch of shots and playing no defense."

"I guarantee I'm going to win the Bro Bowl," Rex boasted during the pregame spread of chicken wings, nachos and Budweiser. "With Mark Sanchez as my triple-threat quarterback, there's no way my hack of a brother can take me down!"

On a Facebook account linked to Diana Olczyk, this post was discovered during the second period of Saturday's Philadelphia-Pittsburgh game: "One thing Eddie didn't miss from the lockout was hearing that someone 'shuffleboarded' a puck out of the zone. Who does that anyway?"

For the first time in history, both men and women alike scrambled to find the Oprah Winfrey Network in their cable guide on Thursday in order to see the big confession interview of one Lance Armstrong. Like all those who followed and worshiped Lance through the years, they were met with massive disappointment.

"I got bored with my life back in Bismarck where I worked as a CPA," said Phillips aka Te'o. "So some friends and I decided I should concoct a new identity for myself and get a fresh start life elsewhere."