Everything else

"I know Donald Sterling is a racist and a horrible human being," said Musberger . "With that said, the awesomeness of his super-smokin’ hot girlfriend must not go ignored.

“You probably don’t know this about me, but I really know how to invest money,” said Samardzija. “We’re talking stocks, bonds, various hair care products, a giant pirate flag for my front lawn. Like an old flag from a real pirate ship. That has to cost a lot, right? I can totally turn this thing around."

But can Nick Cannon rebound like Rodman?

After viewing a recent "60 Minutes" episode demonstrating that some PEDs can be taken as late as the fifth inning of a game and completely dissipate by the end of the game, Major League Baseball announced it will begin testing players for performance-enhancing drugs during games this season.

“We are awarding Kristin this degree for her ability to play the faux-brainiac,” said college director Bobo the Hobo. “The depth of her make-believe knowledge is unmatched. She has pretended to read many comically oversized books.”

Pacers guard/forward Paul George managed to play a complete game Monday night against the Bulls without taking a single photo of his genitals or impregnating a stripper. Both exercises in self control represent a season-high for the young star.

The dirty, no-good liar has been overheard making such clearly false claims as, "Mercer over Duke? Totally had that one picked", "North Dakota State? Come on guys, that was an easy 12-seed upset pick" and, "Ha, look at all these suckers who picked Ohio State over Dayton."