NCAA

The Fighting Irish just got a lot more angry. And drunk.

When the Ohio State Buckeyes meet the Miami Hurricanes on Sept. 17 there will be much more at stake than just a football game. In an out-of-character move, the NCAA announced the winner of this match-up of corrupt programs will be awarded immunity from any pending sanctions for off-field impropriety. The loser will become the first school since SMU in 1987 to receive the “death penalty.”

"A lot of people assumed we'd do something that made sense like split the teams up by geography or name them after our most famous alums, but why take the logical route?" said commissioner Jim Delany. "And there's no way we're changing it, no matter how stupid even our most die-hard supporters believe it to be."

“I’ve narrowed my choice to a few teams in the AFC East and NFC East. I consider the San Francisco Metro area a dark-horse. Of course, Dallas came in with a strong push,” said Pryor, who is now sporting a new, complimentary “Tressel Can Lick My Balls”-tattoo from Fort Worth Ink and Piercing.

Every single Luvabull makes an appearance on April's list of the Top Twins in sports.

The Miami Heat and Danica Patrick currently register the most tears/second among sports personalities.

Jimmer Fredette’s legacy will live on forever at BYU, as university alumni have announced the team mascot will be changed from the Cougars to the Jimmers in honor of the senior’s outstanding achievements and basketball career.