FDA declares IU hoops team a choking hazard
After falling to .500 in the Big Ten, the Indiana men’s basketball team has been declared an official choking hazard by the United States Food and Drug Administration.
Nebraska’s Pelini seeing red after spelling gaffe
"And you know what?" he yelled to his rapt audience. "We're plenty good enough to be in the Big Ten. We've got a lot of smart folks at this school. To the rest of the world, that 'N' on our helmets may stand for Nebraska. To us, it stands for 'nowledge.'"
Big Ten becomes sovereign nation after declaring independence from United States
"After decades of trying to skirt the unnecessary legal confines presented by the United States and its tyrannical government, today we say 'No more!'" said Big Ten commissioner James Delany with an effigy of Uncle Sam burning behind him while he addressed a massive, energetic crowd made up of mostly conference and school administrators, staff and mascots on the lawn of the Big Ten's headquarters.
High school football recruit chooses war in Afghanistan over scholarship to Indiana
A Midwestern high school senior quarterback whose only Big Ten scholarship offer came from Indiana recently chose enlisting in the Army and fighting in Afghanistan over joining the Hoosiers.
Northwestern’s bid to add ‘speed chemistry’ as Big Ten sport denied for 17th straight...
“First off, the travel schedule would be killer,” said Delaney. “The speed chemistry season would inevitably create conflict with science fair season, which is immediately followed by the National Star Trek Convention and the World of Warcraft Festival. These kids wouldn’t give that up.”
NCAA adds Indiana and Missouri St. to last-minute ‘Prozac Self Esteem Bowl’
In an effort to fill a holiday void of one night without worthless bowl games, the NCAA has reached out to corporate sponsors to create another bowl of little or no significance.
OSU offers memorabilia and dropping ‘The’ in its name in exchange for bowl eligibility
In the wake of learning that its fabled football program will be ineligible to play in any bowl game next year, Ohio State University’s athletic department has made an offer of concessions to the NCAA. In a statement released Friday, OSU Athletic Director Gene Smith said that the school is offering the NCAA old memorabilia and the "The" before its name as a means for reinstatement.
