Injuries

"This is terrible news," said Sanchez, who shouldn't miss any playing time with the injury. "I had five cover shoots lined up for the next month: Esquire, Vanity Fair, SI for Kids, Real Simple and Scientific American. Now they're all gone."

Add Lucas Duda, Angel Pagan and Domenik Hixon to the ever-growing list of injured Mets and Giants players, as the two New York teams battle it out for the title of the city’s most disabled franchise.

“It’s so annoying,” said Eli during a press conference Thursday. “Peyton gets all of this attention because of his stupid neck. I have a neck too! I can get hurt too! You watch. I know I can get hurt."

"While we all wish Manning a speedy recovery from what must be a very painful neck injury, fantasy owners who have Manning on their team need to know how to deal with their own pain in the neck," said Yahoo! Sports Fantasy Football Reporter Cody Findlay.

"It sucks, bro," said Kane, who uses the injured left hand primarly for lifting pints, shots and Jager bombs. "That's my go-to boozing arm. It leaves my right hand free for scoring digits from the babes, taking cell phone photos and keeping cab drivers in line."

Speculation of wrongdoing began when an unnamed source leaked information that the cash-strapped Wilpons secretly cut the medical budget by 75 percent after the disastrous 2009 season, which saw almost every player on the Mets roster land on the disabled list.

Cubs outfielder Marlon Byrd returned to baseball this week after getting hit in the face with a pitch last month in Boston. During his first minor league rehab game for the Triple-A Iowa Cubs, Byrd got hit by another pitch, this one in the back. It was just another in a long line of ignored warnings from the baseball gods that Byrd immediately leave the sport.