Idiots

At the beginning of the year, Ohio State was the red-headed step child of the Big Ten and perhaps of all college football, taking beatings in the pocketbook, the press, as well as on the field. But after a shocking week of scandal involving the Penn State coaching staff, the Buckeyes are now being seen in a different light.

Kidnapped Washington Nationals catcher Wilson Ramos was allowed to make one phone call to the media Thursday night but instead of conveying demands for ransom money or ensuring family members of his own safety, he used the time to make what he felt was a much more serious announcement.

Penn State announced late Wednesday night that fired head coach Joe Paterno will be replaced by a 75-year-old man named Stanley Burdette who worked as a greeter at a State College Wal-Mart until he retired last month.

Early Thursday morning -- just hours after firing head coach Joe Paterno -- Penn State's board of trustees re-hired the legendary coach, saying they had been convinced to do so after rioting students overturned a TV news van in the streets of College Station in the wake of the termination.

Patriots TE Rob Gronkowski announced Monday he will be retiring from football immediately to focus on his first love of having sex with porn stars, which is how he reportedly spent his bye week after photos of him with 20-year-old porn star BiBi Jones were posted to Twitter last week.

"It was great that Coach Fox heeded our advice on the Timmy Tebow situation," said Bill Bennett, president of Broncos Fans With Too Much Time and Money on Their Hands. “Now we’d like him to start considering some other moves.”