Athletes In Trouble

CC Sabathia and the Yankees are one game away from elimination, and CC Sabathia only has himself and a fictional naval commander to blame for it. During a post-game interview Monday night, a box of Peanut Butter Crunch, was visible in the hefty hurler’s locker, which led to his tearful admission that he was back on the Cap’n Crunch wagon.

"Do I really have to explain?" asked Vick when a reporter pushed him to express how he was feeling after the loss. "Do I really have to explain how I'm feeling, sitting here at one and three? Good sir, I would prefer to not answer that question and instead have you rot in hell."

“It’s not because Michael doesn’t deserve it, and we understand that trash talk is part of our game,” Goodell said. “Every Vick dog pun has been said, so save yourself the embarrassment. And stop with the damn Rex Ryan foot-fetish jokes too while you’re at it.”

Following a record-breaking debut by rookie QB Cam Newton Sunday, the Carolina Panthers were rocked by allegations that Cam's father Cecil Newton sought substantial sums of money in return for his son playing for a major professional team.

When the Ohio State Buckeyes meet the Miami Hurricanes on Sept. 17 there will be much more at stake than just a football game. In an out-of-character move, the NCAA announced the winner of this match-up of corrupt programs will be awarded immunity from any pending sanctions for off-field impropriety. The loser will become the first school since SMU in 1987 to receive the “death penalty.”

"I would proceed with caution both when approaching a most likely intoxicated Benson in an Austin bar and when considering drafting him for my fantasy league," said Yahoo! Sports Fantasy Football Reporter Cody Findlay. "He's a bit of a wild card, both drunk and sober."

Last month, Guillen found himself embroiled in controversy when he called Sun-Times columnist Jay Mariotti a "fag." This time, however, his putdown will be encouraged.