Washington

Upon investigation, however, the “robots” were found to be mostly goats and other wildlife sewn into scarecrows, with tape recorders that occasionally blurted “NO CATCH.”

Bud Selig spoke publicly Thursday for the first time since Melky Cabrera's 50-game suspension for a positive drug test was announced a day before, but rather than address media questions about the topic he deferred to the day's other baseball news.

“I really, really tried to look on the bright side,” Montero insisted. “I mean, Seattle’s not Kansas City, not Cleveland. Still, it didn’t help. Besides, you need a rocket launcher to get a ball out of Safeco. I had to follow my heart.”

Milton Bradley, recently arrested for domestic abuse after making specific threats of violence against his wife, has since been moved down to the lowly and terrifying California Penal League.

While elite quarterbacks Aaron Rodgers, Ben Roethlisberger and Tom Brady dominate the postseason headlines, Bears quarterback Jay Cutler is baffled that his lifetime playoff exploits have been ignored. After a rout of the Seahawks Sunday, the surly QB hasn't lost a playoff game since prior to his Indiana high school Class 3A championship in 2000.

First-year Seahawks coach Pete Carroll parachuted from a very successful tenure at USC last February right before the Trojans got hit with hefty NCAA sanctions for improper benefits received by star RB Reggie Bush during the 2004 season. Old habits have proven to die hard as Carroll this week attempted to pay RB Marshawn Lynch $10,000 as a reward for his outstanding play in the team's playoff win over the Saints last week.

Ho-hum, the Patriots win again. Tom Brady was nearly perfect, completing 26-28 passes with three TDs. In his career, Brady has a 13-2 postseason record.