Colorado

Manning Watch 2012 ended when Peyton Manning signed a five-year, $96 million contract with the Broncos Tuesday. Denver wasn’t initially seen as a likely candidate to sign the veteran QB, as many NFL analysts predicted the veteran QB would instead sign with the Titans or 49ers, but Manning indicated the main factor in his decision-making process was a “sweet, horse-related mascot.”

Josh McDaniels lies hidden behind all the big name players in the signing of Peyton Manning. The ex-Broncos coach still had a point to prove in Denver. Unbeknownst to most Bronco fans, McDaniels became a subtle influence in bringing Manning to the Mile High City.

Jeremy Lin is now the sports world’s most eligible bachelor, as Tim Tebow has shacked up with a mystery woman citing “Linsanity overload” as his inspiration.

Rick Tebow, unattractive older brother of Broncos QB Tim Tebow, was hit with more bad news earlier this week when he was laid off from his overnight job at a Jacksonville-area bottling plant.

“I’m pretty much recovered from the rib cage and lung injuries I suffered in the Patriots game,” Tebow told supporters at a press conference. “I am deeply disturbed by the direction of this great country under the leadership of Mr. Obama, so I decided the best way I could effect change was to become President.”

Apparently, playoff football in the NFL is serious business. So serious, in fact, that a woman will do whatever she can to help her man “survive and advance.”

Tim Tebow could have had his pick of the litter after leading the Broncos to an improbable overtime victory over the Steelers. The Denver quarterback was propositioned by 316 different women after the game but the Christian quarterback politely declined each woman's advances.