Colorado

After making the fourth Super Bowl of his storied career, 39-year-old Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning has told reporters that he is excited for an opportunity to take home a second title, promising that, if he were to win, he would be going to Disney World, where he would promptly "take a nice, long nap."

Founder "Papa" John Schnatter said pizza sales during the game plunged 20 percent after the Colts took an early 7-point lead, and declined 63 percent by the middle of the fourth quarter.

"If we're being completely honest, I've been looking for a convenient excuse to get back out there on the field and show these kids what a real quarterback looks like."

Though details are currently sketchy, numerous sources are saying that the fire seems to have been set intentionally and maliciously by Peyton Manning, wearing a fake mustache in an unsuccessful attempt to hide his identity.

"Maybe they got caught in a traffic jam on a bridge or something," said New Jersey governor Chris Christie. "It's been known to happen from time to time."

"Maybe Netflix will release all the Super Bowls at once, including this year's," said avid House of Cards fan and casual sports watcher Mike Benson. "That would be great. I could binge them all in two days."

Play along as the Seattle Seahawks and Denver Broncos do battle on the biggest stage of them all, except for the halftime stage, of course.