Kobe can’t believe all this Tiger stuff
"Oh wow, Tiger dropped a little white ball two yards from where he was supposed to drop it?" asked Bryant. "And now they're having a big press conference about it and all the stations are treating it as if he murdered someone?"
Blackhawks play Duck Hunt to mentally prepare to face Anaheim in playoffs
"This team needs to learn that Ducks are weak animals that can be easily dominated," said Quenneville. "I put these games in the locker room so we can gain some confidence heading into the playoffs by blasting animated ducks over and over again."
Lakers games to be broadcast on SOAPnet for remainder of 2013 season
"We're overjoyed!" said SOAPnet exec Sally Benson. "These guys are way more melodramatic than our current shows and storylines. Will Kobe [Bryant] and Dwight [Howard] make up? Or will their rivalry tear this team apart? You'll have to tune in to find out!"
Alex Smith spotted with Colin Kaepernick voodoo doll
“I was only trying to get my souvenir shopping done and out of the way early,” claims the former starting QB.
NHL rulebook update: beating Hawks, Sharks in regulation now worth three points
“Consider the superhuman effort it would take to actually overcome the inevitable six-goal barrage. Add to that the endless forechecking, skilled defense and two hot goalies,” said a breathless league executive. “We wanted to make such an amazing victory special. That is, if it ever actually happens.”
Super Bowl XVLII Bingo, presented by TheHeckler.com
Play along at home as the San Francisco 49ers and Baltimore Ravens clash to settle once and for all which Harbaugh brother gets the top bunk. Click the image to view a larger, printer-friendly version of the game board.
New Orleans prostitutes to charge extra for Kaepernicking
"With the popularity of Kaepernicking and the sheer volume of customers that come through here during game week, we could be looking at a few grand a night for simply kissing a guy's bicep tattoo. The price is actually triple if the tattoo is located anywhere besides the bicep."
