Chargers still deciding whether to crush fans’ hopes this week or next
According to team sources, the 7-7 Chargers have yet to decide whether to get blown out by Detroit on Saturday, or defeat the Lions so they can crush their own fans' hopes at the last possible moment with a Week 17 loss to the Raiders.
Pujols mocks Derrick Rose over paltry 5-year deal that ‘doesn’t screw fans at all’
"What a moron!" exclaimed Pujols. "I'm like 20 years older than him and I got myself a 10-year, quarter billion dollar deal! He didn't even bother to screw over all his devoted fans. Such a joke."
Lakers cut payroll to help Kobe with divorce settlement
"Kobe has done so much for the organization," said owner Jerry Buss. "We felt we couldn't let him wave bye-bye to the $360 million he has made during his tenure as a Laker. As soon as the papers are signed, the team is prepared to offer him a contract that will recoup anything he loses to Vanessa."
L.A. residents confuse ‘Paul to the Clippers’ headline as title of a new Tarantino...
“'Paul to the Clippers'?” asked a UCLA student. “I think I saw on IMDB that's Quentin Tarantino's new flick about strippers in New Mexico who seek revenge against the corrupt school boards.”
Clippers place middle finger statue in Staples Center outside Lakers locker room
Clippers president Andy Roeser has ordered an oversized statue of a hand giving the middle finger be placed immediately outside the Los Angeles Lakers locker room within the very stadium the two teams share.
Martin Havlat consults genie, retracts wish to be invisible
“I’ve been camped out right in front of the net all year! Nobody can find me,” said Havlat. “These genies, they don’t tell you things. Sometimes I think they are in the bottle for a reason.”
Yankees deal Feliciano to A’s for office supplies
Three months after southpaw Pedro Feliciano’s left rotator cuff surgery, you wouldn’t expect there to be a market for his services. But then, you’d be underestimating the resourcefulness of Billy Beane.
