Rangers

“I feel good about this season,” the 275-pound Fielder said. “This is the first spring training I’ve shown up to where I don’t feel like I can get any bigger, so that can only mean good things for me.”

"Well, I've still got a mortgage on my house in Texas, so I'll probably need to save about a million a year to pay for that and to get myself a nice condo in Cali. So at this point, the maximum amount I can set aside for coke would be $24 million each year, right everybody?"

Team names are fun, but they don't always accurately reflect a franchise's players and fans. Here at The Heckler, we've created a few alternate names and logos that are more descriptive of the teams they represent.

Even though the Cubs managed to trade Dempster to the Rangers for two minor leaguers, Theo Epstein is said to be miffed by Dempster's stubbornness at nixing the Braves deal and promises to bring him back to the Cubs next season as retribution.

The Rangers created this debacle by sending Hamilton to the airport to welcome the new Ranger. Following a brief ride back from the airport, Hamilton exited the limousine wearing a Nolan Ryan jersey, spewing line after line about "letting pitchers stay in for 150 pitches" and "giving Robin Ventura a beat down."

The Cubs trade of catcher Geo Soto to the Rangers earlier this week was barely headline-worthy material for fans, but another segment of the city's population is reportedly "despondent" at the news.

In a move described as “bush league” across social media outlets, several White Sox staffers began including a #ScrewYu hashtag, unaware they were simply infuriating millions of Japanese voters and inspiring them to vote for Darvish.