South

While some are complaining that baseball's new expanded playoff format is merely rewarding mediocrity as several .500 clubs chase a postseason spot, Bud Selig is so in love with the new setup that he's opening up the playoffs to all but two teams next season.

After a devastating loss to the University of Louisiana-Monroe Saturday, the Arkansas Razorbacks took an unprecedented tumble in the national rankings. The light of a new day showed that the team, ranked eighth just days earlier, had fallen completely out of the Bowl Championship Series. They had landed in the sports twilight zone once known as "Division II.”

At approximately 10:03 EST, Wednesday night, Yahoo! Sports reported that its fantasy football servers crashed for approximately 25 minutes after over 8 million searches occurred for one player: Kevin Ogletree.

“I work hard on this lawn,” Jones said. “Last year, I won the neighborhood’s green thumb award. I mow the lawn on average 3.4 times per week. That’s leading the neighborhood in grass clippings per half acre!”

It became apparent over the weekend that the Cubs suddenly noticed the value of their partners in shame when thousands of bouquets of flowers appeared around Minute Maid park with notes that read: “Gonna miss u. Baby plz don’t go."

Feverish Republicans eager to support Mitt Romney's bid for the presidency saw their numbers dwindle a bit earlier this week when several thousand convention-goers refused to enter Tampa's Tropicana Field for fear the unsightly domed baseball stadium was actually a housing project.

“I’m not going to pay 12 bucks a ticket and $3.50 for a beer just to watch some double-A nobodies!” said Iowan Jud Purdue. “Logan Watkins?! Who is this schlub? I want real triple-A players. And at least a one quadruple-A stud.”