Josh Hamilton excitedly calculates how much coke he can buy with $125 million
"Well, I've still got a mortgage on my house in Texas, so I'll probably need to save about a million a year to pay for that and to get myself a nice condo in Cali. So at this point, the maximum amount I can set aside for coke would be $24 million each year, right everybody?"
Bielema headed to Arkansas because their colors match his wardrobe
"Well, thankfully they're the same colors, I don't have to waste time shopping. Ain't nobody got time for that," said Bielema. "It's an SEC school, so who cares if they've become even more of a joke while I'm there? I'd rather be a loser in the SEC than a winner by default in the Big Ten."
Big East to add Hamburger University, Clown College, and the School of Rock
The question remains whether the Big East realizes that these are not actual institutions of higher learning with athletic programs, but their interest in them should be of no surprise – it’s money.
NFL promotes Sunday night Cowboys-Eagles game as ‘2012 Irrelevance Bowl’
"Well, I had to throw Philly a bone and give them a game in prime time they could win," he said. "Plus it gives us a new game to market. With any luck, the 2012 Irrelevance Bowl will be at least twice as popular as the 2012 Pro Bowl."
Bettman responds to criticism and threats by puffing-out like a blowfish
Experts speculate that the spikes are normally hidden beneath Bettman’s cheap suits, ready to display whenever his species feels cornered.
NHL cancels holidays, month of December, passing of year
“If we’re going to get serious about playing hockey in 2012, this ticking of time thing has got to stop,” said Bettman. “I decree it perpetually November 21 until further notice.”
Ozzie Guillen working as server at Brazzaz
"He said he was between gigs and was looking for a little action," said Brazzaz proprietor Joao Valentes. "Unfortunately, we didn't have any opportunities for him to do broadcast or print ad representation for us. But Ozzie's an old amigo, so I did what I could."
