Rays

Minutes after winning the AL Wild Card game over the A's, the Tampa Rays headed to a local Applebee's to celebrate.

To put this curse in perspective, the Rays became a professional baseball franchise all the way back in 1998. Back then, Bill Clinton was President of the United States and Apple hadn’t even invented the iPad.

Feverish Republicans eager to support Mitt Romney's bid for the presidency saw their numbers dwindle a bit earlier this week when several thousand convention-goers refused to enter Tampa's Tropicana Field for fear the unsightly domed baseball stadium was actually a housing project.

MLB changed that to an error on Wright this afternoon, and then gave the Mets the 2000 “Subway” World Series title while riding its momentum. The latter move was made primarily to stick it to the Yankees, whom Manhattanites can’t stand.

"I could just cheer for the Sox to win out against the Orioles, but they took three of four from us at home just last week" said Branham, whose Red Sox have won only six of 24 games this month. "No chance we sweep 'em."

“I have accomplished all I want to in this game, from winning World Series to hair growth to getting suspended for steroids,” said the slugger as he climbed on the actual Devil Ray in the Tropicana Field tank for a quick ride. “Weeeeee, riding this fish is fun!"

The main off-season priority for the Cubs was to shed several albatross contracts and pave the way for highly touted young prospects to come up to the big league squad in 2011. GM Jim Hendry changed directions Friday, trading his entire minor league system for Tampa Rays right-hander Matt Garza, who has a career 42-44 record.