Florida

LeBron James has picked up a new game during the ongoing NBA lockout – McDonald’s Monopoly. As depicted in a new commercial, LeBron defied one-in-four odds and won a free large fries, and thought it best to feed the hungry at his Miami based soup kitchen.

Following an epiphany, Tampa Bay wide receiver Mike Williams completely removed himself from his own fantasy roster today. Realizing that only 2 percent of all Yahoo! Fantasy League owners were still starting the maligned wide receiver, Williams placed himself on waiver wires.

Mike Piazza was curiously on hand with the Marlins when they closed out their season last week despite playing only five games with the franchise back in 1998. Piazza later confirmed his reason for visiting Sun Life Stadium was to announce that should he be elected to the Hall of Fame when eligible in 2012, he will enter as a Marlin.

Sox manager and profanity machine Ozzie Guillen announced Monday night that he would be leaving the team to accept a similar position with the minor-league Miami Marlins.

"I could just cheer for the Sox to win out against the Orioles, but they took three of four from us at home just last week" said Branham, whose Red Sox have won only six of 24 games this month. "No chance we sweep 'em."

The University of Miami police, a perennial Top 25 campus police force according to the Associated Police and the Harris Policeman Polls, was rocked by the news that it must vacate all of its arrests between 2002 to 2010.

“If you’re blind or have your eyes closed, this is a non-issue,” said owner Jeffrey Loria. “We really think people are getting bent out of shape about a problem that only affects 99% of the population.”