Guillen apologizes for Castro comments, says he’s just misunderstood, ‘like Joseph Kony’
Miami Marlins skipper Ozzie Guillen has apologized after several comments made this week. Guillen told the media that he is very sorry for his remarks, in which he professed love and admiration for Fidel Castro and “respects him for staying in power for so long.”
Miami Heat arena remodeled to resemble Death Star
“I can’t say enough good things about the new arena,” Heat star LeBron James said. “The design perfectly captures what me, D-Wade and Chris [Bosh] are trying to accomplish with this team.”
Mikhail Prokhorov has David Stern assassinated for not making Magic trade Dwight Howard to...
Reportedly, the murder was arranged by Nets' Russian owner Mikhail Prokhorov who presumably used his contacts in the Russian mafia to have Stern "taken out" for not forcing Otis Smith and the Magic to trade Dwight Howard to New Jersey by the trade deadline last week.
Dwight Howard named Craftsman ‘Tool of the Year’
“I am very excited to be the Tool of the Year,” Howard said. “Being a tool comes very naturally to me, much like the game of basketball. It looks like a lot of work, but I have simply been blessed with a nauseating persona and insufferable demeanor."
Jose Reyes demands trade after first tour of Marlins Park
“I have no idea what the hell happened,” said Marlins owner, Jeffrey Loria. “He loved the fish tank behind home plate, but as soon as we walked into the outfield it was like he saw a ghost.”
Dwight Howard calls himself ‘the man’ for 1 millionth time
"I am the man," said Howard for the millionth time in his NBA career. "And as the man, I want to remain the man, no matter where I go. Derrick Rose is okay, but he's not the man. So if the man goes to Chicago, then he will remain the man and take the last shot every single game."
Marlins hire team of Austrian psychiatrists to study Ozzie and Zambrano
Warned not to get too close to the action, each doctor will be armed with two cans of mace and a stun gun should things get too crazy. It sounds extreme, but the volatile nature of Guillen and Zambrano require extreme caution.
