Heat

With a hairline that has receded faster than the bank accounts of players during the lockout, the usually strict NBA has decided to amend their dress code to allow a special eight-inch head band just for superstar LeBron James.

“I can’t say enough good things about the new arena,” Heat star LeBron James said. “The design perfectly captures what me, D-Wade and Chris [Bosh] are trying to accomplish with this team.”

“Son’s barber must have slipped up, he shoulda went to my dude, Andre in Bensonhurst” said Knicks fan Mookie. “Twenty minutes, he’d have him looking fresh.”

"Eddy Curry may be the Eddy Curry of basketball, but he's the Michael Jordan of over-eating," one excitable restauranteur told reporters. "I can't wait for the payday that'll be coming my way the night that he decides to eat at my restaurant."

LeBron James has picked up a new game during the ongoing NBA lockout – McDonald’s Monopoly. As depicted in a new commercial, LeBron defied one-in-four odds and won a free large fries, and thought it best to feed the hungry at his Miami based soup kitchen.

Plenty of NBA pundits have by now made the mistake of questioning Michael Jordan’s “all-time greatest player” status in the wake of LeBron James’ meteoric and sustained rise to basketball stardom. Since Jordan’s playing days are behind him, he recently challenged LBJ to a battle for alpha-male status on his new home court -- the floor of the MGM Grand Casino in Las Vegas.

Days after losing the NBA Finals, LeBron James and Dwyane Wade were named the 2011 co-Flopping Champions in honor of their outrageous displays of faking getting fouled throughout the playoffs.