South

The Baltimore Sun is reporting that the Cowboys will make a run at Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis if Lewis becomes a free agent.

"I've not been with the Cubs long, but I'm well aware of how cursed this franchise has been through the years," said team president Theo Epstein. "We're all dreading the very likely possibility that Ryan will blow out his elbow in Pittsburgh this afternoon."

The Rangers created this debacle by sending Hamilton to the airport to welcome the new Ranger. Following a brief ride back from the airport, Hamilton exited the limousine wearing a Nolan Ryan jersey, spewing line after line about "letting pitchers stay in for 150 pitches" and "giving Robin Ventura a beat down."

Even though the Cubs managed to trade Dempster to the Rangers for two minor leaguers, Theo Epstein is said to be miffed by Dempster's stubbornness at nixing the Braves deal and promises to bring him back to the Cubs next season as retribution.

"When David gets back into a corner, he goes into what we call 'straight gangster mode,'" said one high-ranking NBA official. "We've all heard about how he rigged the 2002 Lakers-Kings series, but that's just the tip of it."

"I mean, no spoilers obviously, but for those of you who saw the episode ... that last scene, oh my God, right?" a still shaken George told the media after the game. "That was out of nowhere! Just, totally crazy. Needless to say, when we were done with the episode, man, we just weren't in a place to go out and get that win, you know?"

"Sure, 32 points is a lot for us," said Bradley. "But we looked really good on that blocked-punt safety yesterday. Maybe we can squeak out a few more of those. A couple field goals and an MJD TD here or there and we've got a great chance at 32 points this season."