Disappointed in lack of good Wisconsin roosters, Ramirez to start cow fighting ring
Just days after news leaked that star left fielder Ryan Braun tested positive for heightened levels of synthetic testosterone, the Brewers are facing another PR nightmare as newly signed third baseman Aramis Ramirez announced plans to begin training and fighting cows during the off-season.
Brewers sign Aramis, will make Italian Sausage his personal pinch-runner
"Italian will be Ramirez's personal pinch-runner," said Brewers GM Doug Melvin. "Aramis was very clear that he doesn't want to run at full speed during his tenure, and Italian is way faster than him anyway."
Ryan Braun’s failed drug test caused by ink from his awful shirts
"Unfortunately, the ink in my Remetee shirts has proved to be laced with HGH and other performance-enhancing drugs," said Braun. "We were only going for fashion-enhancing chemicals, but I guess the science guys mixed up the formula or whatever ... then it seeped into my skin ... and, uh ... I gotta go!"
Ryan Braun busted for PEDs: Let’s hear your headline ideas
Anyone with an internet or cable connection knows by now that Brewers MVP outfielder/restauranteur/douchey T-shirt salesman Ryan Braun reportedly failed a drug test this fall. It's huge news and we're giving you a chance to give us your take on what the headline should be. Simply write it in the comments box below this post or email it to theheckler@theheckler.com. The best headlines might wind up as a Heckler article and we'll give you full credit so fire away.
Heisman experts agree Montee Ball would be a favorite if he scored ‘more like...
"Yes, Montee Ball's 38 touchdowns this season is very impressive," said ESPN's Kirk Herbstreit. "But Ball had nearly 300 touches this season. That's 240 times he didn't score. People need to remember that."
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Well-prepared Badgers already looking for next year’s free agent QB
"The free agent market for QBs next year is going to be tough," said Bielema. "We've got to maintain our tradition of bringing in standout athletes who for all intents and purposes are finished with their collegiate experience but for whatever reason have a season of eligibility and can play anywhere."
