Brewers

Intoxicated by the success of his favorite baseball team and the 15 Miller Lites he consumed while watching them sweep the Cubs this weekend, Wisconsinite Andy Maliszewski made the bold claim Sunday afternoon that Midwestern state was the center of the sports universe at that very moment.

Do you know this guy? He's wearing a Cubs jersey and went nuts after Milwaukee's Corey Hart hit a homer at Miller Park Saturday night. We'd like to ask him a few questions.

"Bernie and Steve Phillips, the fan greeter [no relation to former Mets GM Steve Phillips], are two great additions to the New York Mets organization," said Mets GM Sandy Alderson. "Bernie's great enthusiasm, curve ball and knowledge of beer and hops will undoubtedly help our organization in fan entertainment, overall on-field talent and alcohol sales."

Let's face it. We're all going to give up on the 2011 Cubs as soon as the NFL regular season starts. That's why you should join The Heckler's Unbelievable Cubs-Brewers Roadtrip of 2011 on Friday night, Aug. 26. Everyone who joins gets a ticket in our group of front-row bleacher seat at Miller Park, round-trip bus transportation from the North Side to Miller Park, a professionally catered tailgate and all the beer you can possibly consider consuming.

Brewers manager Ron Roenicke announced today that newly acquired Francisco Rodriguez will be setting up John Axford for the remainder of the season. He was cryptic in his reasoning, but it is believed he made the decision with overweight fans in mind.

Chicago became the fourth MLB city this season to experience what scientists have termed a "PrinceQuake."

Despite depletion of resources throughout the globe, Prince Fielder, one of the largest mammals in the Western Hemisphere, appears to be getting larger, baffling scientists.