Packers

The Chicago Bears have selected third-string quarterback Josh McCown to be sacrificed to the Packers on Sunday. The Gods in Green Bay, known for controlling the icy winter wind and creating obese dairy farmers, demand to be appeased through regular sacrifices.

In the wake of their first loss in the season to the lowly Chiefs, fans of the Packers have taken to message boards and office water coolers to awkwardly and unconvincingly express their "relief" that the their team "doesn't have to worry about that '16-0' target on their back anymore."

Inspired by the Green Bay Packers' sale of $80 million of worthless stock to its eager fan base, The Heckler is following suit! For just $25 you can own* a piece of The Heckler. Unlike Packers stock, ours comes with a handy self-adhesive backing that makes putting it up on your office wall a breeze! Don't bother picking up a $5 frame at Fleet Farm that's needed to hang your Packers stock!

On the wings of purchasing worthless stock in their football team, Packers fans have bought certificates providing them with the naming rights of stars in the Milky Way, and just in time for Christmas.

For the fifth time in their history, the Packers are offering a sale of what they call stock, though purchasers receive no more than a piece of paper saying they own a portion of the city-owned franchise. No voting rights, cash value or any other benefits come with the stock, come along with the $250 (plus handling fees) purchase of the stock, making it essentially a donation without a tax deduction. Naturally, fans are lining up.

There’s a new A-Rod in town and his name is Aaron Rodgers. Alex Rodriguez has been legally forced to stop calling himself by his famous moniker, after a judge awarded the trademark to the Super Bowl champion QB.

In the third quarter of yesterday's Thanksgiving game against the Lions, Aaron Rodgers had difficulty understanding the play call coming into his headset from coach Mike McCarthy.