Packers

Gamers everywhere are rejoicing after a new glitch was recently uncovered in Madden 15 that enables the Bears to finally beat the Packers by simply entering a few cheat codes and mid-season coaching changes.

"Once again, the Bears completely fell apart against Green Bay, and I frankly wouldn't be surprised if we saw a super-race of cheesehead-wearing, flesh-eating zombies take over the entire Midwest," said Chicagosports.com's Steve Rosenbloom. "Sure, the team is 2-2, but Jay Cutler has almost certainly ushered in the era of disease, mayhem and destruction."

"Back up there in Wisconsin, every other car has a 10-point buck on the roof," said Wartonson. "Or at least a doe and a couple of foxes or something. What the hell do people in Chicago do from Monday to Saturday?"

Fearful of any possible backlash of boorish booing from the local cheeseheads, Favre's special night will be held where he had so many special nights, Soldier Field.

"Unfortunately league rule prohibit us from signing free agents outside the NFC North," said Bears GM Phil Emery. "I've not actually seen this rule, but since teams in our division are only signing free agents from other teams in this division it has to be the case."

We have heard your concerns in between bites," said Thompson. "And now with the new dome that will go over Lambeau, you can be sure that from here and forever more, your nachos, fried beer nuggets, and Bratwurst Bacon Cheesehead Buffalo Patties will stay warm no matter how cold it gets outside.”

Despite their best efforts, which saw two interceptions from All-Pro quarterback Aaron Rodgers and a fumble that was accidentally returned for a touchdown, the Packers were left with the division title after Randall Cobb failed to drop a touchdown pass with 38 seconds left in the fourth quarter.