Packers

Just a day after Packers All-Pro WR Jordy Nelson went down with an ACL tear, delusional Bears fan Steven Dietrich has been thrilled at what he's considering a "big break" that will dramatically improve Chicago's chances in the NFC North.

Brett Favre was inducted into the Packers Hall of Fame Saturday night at Lambeau Field in front of 65,000 fans -- most of whom hated hated him just a few years ago.

The trouble started when a Jets fan named Vinnie wearing his customized "Sanchize is the Franchise" jersey asked: “You’z guys know where I can get a New York slice in this freakin’ city?”

"My tractor's a beauty, but it doesn't have any heat," said Schultz. "About 30 minutes into the ride I had to stop at Shopko to pick up a new pair of Oshkosh B'Gosh overalls to help stay warm for the long drive to Phoenix. That's where my family found me and broke the terrible news."

Bears President Ted Phillips defended his decision to offer the job to the entire NFL franchise, which was founded in 1919, by saying, "The Packers have a proven track record of managing to put a playoff team on the field, and if we're going to start things over, I think the Packers are the ones to lead us to where we want to go."

“I’m just scared out of my mind," said Suh. "I mean this is the guy who stalked Lisa Turtle, helped Jesse Spano score caffeine pills so she could lose weight...or ace a test I think. He played bass in Zack Attack and he even got fake ID’s and a mustache so he could meet college girls. I mean this maniac could be anywhere right now.”

"A win is a win," he said. "We're in first place in the NFC North right now, and I think we can take on anybody! Sure, we almost lost to a rookie quarterback, but we didn't! That's all that matters. Um. Remember how bad we beat the Bears two weeks ago?"