St. Louis Cardinals

"Of course I'm sad, but the time to grieve will be later," said Berkman. "Right now, it's all about the hoarding."

For many St. Louis residents, Christmas came early this year when the Cardinals held their first and last "Free Sleeveless Tee Night." Unfortunately, fans could not stay calm for the mesh, 100% polyester Cardinals tee, sparking riots.

"To be quite honest I'm done playing," Wood said. "On the off chance that maybe a year from now I change my mind I can see myself pitching for St. Louis. That's it. They've always done a great job resurrecting careers."

The prognosis from Los Angeles Angels team doctors is as worst feared: 1B Albert Pujols has been officially pronounced “Dunn for the year,” as in Chicago White Sox 1B/DH Adam Dunn.

After the Cubs took their second game of a three-game against the Cardinals Tuesday night, team President Theo Epstein could be seen kicking his feet up on his desk and drinking a tall Sam Adams.

Any doubts Albert Pujols had that the Cardinals were harboring ill-will toward him after he left the team for the free agency millions of the Angels, were erased when he opened his mail Monday morning and discovered his 2011 World Series ring had been shipped to him on the middle finger of a cadaver’s hand, on dry ice in a Cracker Jack box.

“I actually tried to have the Cardinals’ ring presentation in Chicago," he said. "That way, I could have lived up to my expectation to bring a World Championship to the North Side years ahead of schedule!”